Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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