everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize