We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
