i need an iv and a liver transplant
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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