I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
