I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
