I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
