apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
