I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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