Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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