He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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