Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
