Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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