don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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