talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
