omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
