I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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