she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
