do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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