I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
