Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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