Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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