It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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