i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
