It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize