How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just tell him i said nine months
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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