You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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