clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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