i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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