I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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