my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
