I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
