I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
