Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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