She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize