Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
