WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
