Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
