just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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