I am puke
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
P.S. I can't hear my feet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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