Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
