Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
