Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
