your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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