How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
thus making me awesome and them whores
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
