She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
