...so i touched it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
