i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
