You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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