this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
