Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
