Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
