the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
