So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
