Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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