Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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