You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
