When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
