I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
