Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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