using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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