ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
