Will you blow on my dice?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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