capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
