mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize