like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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