I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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